


Putting the Romance in Necromancy

by StevenTLawson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Ghost Sex, How do ghosts work, How does physics work, Lots of Sex, Porn Logic, Porn With Plot, i dunno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27954797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StevenTLawson/pseuds/StevenTLawson
Summary: After the second task of the Triwizard Tournament, Harry decides it was time to do something for someone who had helped him. Using a spell found in a dusty tome, he figured this would give a certain ghost a new lease on unlife. It did and there was sex, lots and lots of sex.Ghost blowjob woo woo.
Relationships: Moaning Myrtle/Harry Potter
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

Harry only had a few more weeks until the third and final event of the Triwizard tournament. It was to be the culmination of all the hard work put into the tournament by the champions and Harry was not feeling excitement, but instead dread.

At the end of each year of his schooling at Hogwarts, he’d nearly died and only barely survived by the skin of his teeth. From possessed teachers, ancient basilisk, werewolves and dementors, Harry knew that his luck would run out sometime and that got him thinking about death.

He of course knew people died, after all he was an orphan, something some people in the castle seemed hellbent on reminding him of, from Malfoy’s taunts to even the good natured comments about how proud his parents would be, even his own title as The-Boy-Who-Lived invoked the idea of death as it was a reminder of the three people who died on that night.

Sometimes he wished that people would shut up about death, it was positively morbid how much they liked to bring it up. But in the process of thinking about death and his own mortality he recalled a friend of his who had been of great help to him this year who was also dead.

Moaning Myrtle, the ghost that haunted a girl’s bathroom. A former Hogwarts student who was murdered by a young Lord Voldemort with a basilisk and someone who had really come through for him in the second task of the tournament.

In doing that he recalled a dusty book that he’d found in the restricted section of the library. As a champion he was allowed to have access to the normally guarded information and he’d been looking for anything that could help him in the first task, and while he did not find a spell or solution that would stop a dragon dead in its tracks, he remembered that there was one spell that he thought sounded interesting but wouldn’t be useful unless he screwed up royally.

Sneaking out of the dormitory, because Harry didn’t want to have to explain to anyone what he was up to, he crept into the library long past curfew so no one could see him pull out the dusty book titled  _ Love & Death: Putting the Romance back in Necromancy _ .

Harry had only looked in the book the first time because in the wizarding world a book could have pictures of cute kittens playing with balls of yarn on the cover and still have every page filled with the most vile and foul incantations he’d ever heard, so a book that seemed more like a trashy romance novel could have held the secrets of the universe for all he knew.

But it didn’t, what it did hold was a spell that would alter the state of a ghost and effectively send it up or down a level. Which meant he could turn a ghost, a normally incorporeal being into a poltergeist, which is a much more solid specter, like Peeves, who could still physically interact with the world.

Had Harry known about this spell back in his first year he could have even used it on the shade of Voldemort to turn him into a complete ghost which would have left him all but powerless, but alas he was a first year who knew nothing about magic at the time and would likely not have a chance like that again.

What he did have a chance to do was to help a friend.

“Myrtle?” Harry whisper-shouted as he stuck his head into her bathroom. He knew that ghosts didn’t really sleep but sometimes liked to pretend to keep their humanity intact. “Myrtle it’s me, Harry,” he said a bit louder as he shut the door behind him.

With a delighted squeal Myrtle flung herself out of the bend in the toilet and floated over to one of the very few people she would call a friend in her existence. “Oh Harry, it’s so good to see you,” she smiled at the teenager. “I haven’t seen you since the time in the lake,” pouting at him as he didn’t come around too often.

“Yeah I’ve been,” Harry rubbed the back of his head, he did feel bad about not coming to see her as often as he felt that he should. “It’s not important.” Deciding not to bore her with how much he’d been thinking about how he was probably going to die, she’d probably just offer to share her toilet with him, which actually was the only such offer he’s gotten as he’d hoped that if he did die that Dumbledore wouldn’t send him back to the Dursleys. “But I just wanted to thank you for helping me,” Harry said to the ghost who spun around and giggled.

“We’re friends aren’t we Harry?” Myrtle questioned. “Friends help each other.”

Harry smiled at the ghost. “You are absolutely right Myrtle and because friends help each other, I want to help you.” He said as he pulled out a book from his back.

“Help me how?” Myrtle asked as she was curious what Harry was doing with an old book, she hoped he wasn’t possessed like the little redheaded girl.

“Well you see Myrtle,” Harry said as he flipped through the pages to find the right one with the spell he needed. “I was doing some research in the restricted section and found a spell that could possibly turn you into a different type of ghost.”

“A different type of ghost?” she tilted her head in confusion as she wasn’t understanding.

Harry nodded quickly as he showed the pages. “I could maybe turn you into a poltergeist like Peeves, then you could interact with the world, have a bit more freedom.” Harry said as he wasn’t entirely sure if it would work but he’d definitely put in the effort.

“That’s amazing Harry,” Myrtle shouted excitedly. “Oh please do it. I want to feel something again.” Her hopes had never been higher, it wasn’t the same as being brought back to life but being able to do more than just float around and talk would be the greatest thing to happen to her in nearly fifty years.

“Okay,” Harry said as he pulled out his wand and readied himself to cast the spell. Had this been Hermione, she would have read the spell all the way through and probably discarded it as it too difficult since it was supposed to be cast by seven powerful wizards on the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year at the seventh hour, which considering it was March, the dead of night and 1995, he only actually met one of the requirements being that the year was divisible by seven.

And typically rituals done improperly would only result in the person casting them at best blowing themselves and everyone around them up, Harry’s method was not likely to succeed.

But as it stands when one person has a second soul that coincidentally met a few other esoteric requirements such as being fragmented seven times and having used the Cloak of Invisibility so often that Death had a bit more of a struggle finding said person, when the ritual that Harry was loudly chanting began to backfire on himself it was a perfect storm of Potter Luck that he managed to survive if in the process of casting the entire castle was woken as Hogwarts was shaken to its foundation as Harry subverted the natural laws of the universe.

Harry was blown back by the force of the spell erupting out of his wand and it took him a while to recover from how much pain he was in, in addition it felt like there was a weight pressing itself down on his chest and he could hear sobbing.

“Oh Harry no, please, I should never have let you do that, now you are dead,” Myrtle cried as she leaned onto Harry’s body.

“I’m not dead Myrtle,” Harry groaned as he sat up off the floor even if he felt like death warmed over. “And I think it worked,” he said as Myrtle was holding onto his shirt tightly.

Myrtle looked down at her hands to see that she was indeed clutching the fabric of his clothes and shrieked in delight. She looked at herself, which while still being the same see through that she was, she felt different, she flew over to the sinks and turned on the faucet before splashing her hand in the water. She was giggling like the schoolgirl she used to be as she could feel the water, actually feel its warmth.

Harry had been resting on his elbows as he watched the now poltergeist flitter around the room touching everything she could. “Harry this is incredible,” she said as she slammed into Harry and started to pepper him with kisses. “There’s so much I can do now.”

“That’s great Myrtle,” Harry smirked even as he was blushing from feeling the spectral kisses on his face. “I’m just glad it worked.”

“It did and I’m so thrilled,” Myrtle flipped in the air before stopping with a gasp then looking down at Harry with a sly grin. “Harry…” she said with a sultry voice as she slowly floated back down and sat in Harry’s lap.

While she was far lighter than a living person would be, he could still feel her butt on his crotch and the light pressure was enough to get a reaction out of what Harry had been born with. Harry let out a surprised squeak as Myrtle started to gyrate her hips. “There’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I cannot think of a better person to do it with than you,” licking her lips as she kept grinding on Harry, draping her arms across his shoulders as she leaned forward and began to lick his neck.

“Myr-Myrtle,” Harry groaned as he was getting erect from the stimulation of the ghost’s motions. “Are you…” he let out a grunt as he, like most teenage boys thought about sex quite often, but also like most teenage boys he was a little nervous for his first time. “Sure that you want to-” he started to ask before Myrtle silenced him by covering his mouth with her own lips.

Myrtle began to moan as she was starting to become overwhelmed in ecstasy as having gone so long without feeling anything as a ghost and adding in that she’d never even had a chance to feel another person like this when she was alive, she was on a hair trigger and screamed into Harry’s mouth as she didn’t even know that a ghost could orgasm. “Oh fuck,” she panted as she looked at the ectoplasm she covered Harry’s crotch with. Her eyes almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the bathroom giving them almost a heart shaped iris. “Harry, I want you to fuck me. I want you to take your cock and fuck me.” She said as she started to tug at Harry’s belt to get at what was obviously straining to be released. Myrtle had almost a manic grin as she finally got the belt undone and was pulling his pants down.

“Shouldn’t we-” Harry tried to question before Myrtle grabbed his dick almost painfully tight and started to jerk it with both her hands. “Keep doing this,” he said, changing his mind as he wasn’t going to turn down a free handjob.

Myrtle was marveled by the warmth she felt in her hands, it seemed unnaturally hot, almost like it was burning her as she pumped Harry’s cock even as it began to get slick with the amount of precum dripped down. Slowly Myrtle stuck out her touch and with the barest contact licked up some of the liquid that was dripping down from his head.

Myrtle’s ghostly tongue felt cool, but also pleasant when it touched him so much that his dick started to jerk wildly as it wanted more.

Meanwhile the ghost was amazing that not only could she feel things, she could taste them and for being the first thing for her to get a taste of, it was like ambrosia, she needed more. She didn’t even hesitate as she shoved Harry’s cock in her mouth, bouncing her head violently up and down as she tried to suck and pump all of his seed out of him.

Harry doubled over and grabbed Myrtle’s hair as she kept taking his dick further into her mouth before it hit the back of her throat. “Myrtle that’s going to-” he grunted as he felt the ghost trying to force his cock deeper in.

The ghost only gave a growl of frustration as she sucked back which allowed entrance to her throat. After taking in the last few inches of his dick she wrapped her arms around his wait and began to fuck his cock with her mouth.

Harry let out a primal howl as he felt the wet tightness of Myrtles throat as she kept sucking and licking all the while using her mouth like a pussy to get every last bit of cum that his body was capable of producing. He didn’t last much longer before his dick twitched and he erupted out his first load deep into her throat.

Ectoplasmic saliva began to mix with his semen forming a frothy bubbly mixture that oozed out of Myrtle’s lips, even some seeped out of her nose as she got drunk on the taste of his sperm flooding inside her. With half lidded eyes she moaned as the smell and taste alone was enough to bring her to orgasm, squirting more of her own ghostly juices onto the bathroom floor.

Harry fell back onto the cold stone floor gasping even as Myrtle continued to suck and lick to try and get every drop she could out of him. Finally after what seemed like an eternity of pleasure, Myrtle let his cock out of her mouth with a satisfying pop. “Holy shit,” Harry said as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t have dreamed of the first time getting his dick sucked would feel this incredible, but when you have a voracious ghost who was determined to experience everything she could now that she was able to Harry wasn’t surprised that she would go beyond what a living girl could do, since he was pretty sure someone who was alive would have choked to death having his cock in their throat for that long.

“I hope you’re not too spent Harry,” Myrtle said as she stood over Harry’s face, moving her robes to expose her moist ghostly panties. “I’m giving my first everything to you,” slowly lowering herself down before she and Harry froze when they heard the sound of footsteps running down the hall outside the bathroom.

“Noooo!” Myrtle screamed in frustration that someone was likely coming to interrupt their love making session.

Harry meanwhile was hurriedly pulling his pants up so as not to be caught in a compromising position when the door opened and of all people Argus Filch had to be the one to find him. “He-hey,” Harry meekly said as he looked at the cantankerous caretaker.

“Brat out of bound after curfew,” Argus grinned as he hurried over and grabbed Harry, ignoring that he’d kicked a book underneath the sink to be forgotten for sometime. “I’m sure that they’ll let me put the screws into you this time.” grinning even as Harry struggled in vain to get loose, being too tired from his mind blowing orgasm he’d just had.

“Harry!” Myrtle shouted as she flew over to stop Filch after the door shut and slammed head first into it. “Ow, ow, ow,” she cried out as she held her forehead where she had collided with the wood.

“I’ll see you later Myrtle,” Harry shouted as he didn’t want to get Myrtle into any trouble and he figured just taking the detention would be easier than trying to explain what he’d been up to.

The ghost floated in the air, leaning against the wall. “You always fall for the bad boys don’t you Myrtle,” she sighed as she was so excited to try out more of her new body’s capabilities, especially with the boy who’d made it all possible.


	2. Slutty Ghost Girls Love it in the Asshole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once would never be enough, not for either of the living or the dead. Harry and Myrtle are going to continue their sexual escapades.

After that first incredible night, Harry would find any excuse he could to disappear and spend more time with Myrtle. It was so frequent that no one would go down that hallway for all the moaning they heard from the bathroom. Word around the castle was that Myrtle was in one of her moods as anytime she was seen she had been listless and not very responsive. The people who saw her thought it was just because she was sad about being dead, and never once considered that she was actually so sore and full of cum that she didn’t want to move around all that much.

Just as Myrtle couldn’t get enough of feeling alive, Harry was addicted to sex. The feeling of her tight and wet holes on his cock was heavenly, it had gotten so intense that he’d started to learn to brew potions that would help him avoid aching in the morning when he woke up, which in turn led him to making his own stamina potions to last even longer and have bigger loads because seeing his seed flood out of every hole in Myrtle’s body and being able to layer thick white ropes of cum all over her, even the memories of their sexual acts was enough to get him erect.

For some people their first time is a magical experience, but when Harry came to Myrtle the next night after he got out of his detention, he hadn’t even hesitated before pulling Myrtle into a searing kiss and shoving her back into the bathroom stall.

She was incredibly turned on at how domineering Harry was that she spread her legs and watched with eagerness as Harry freed his cock before plunging it right into her pussy, shoving the entire length in with one go. It overwhelmed her with pleasure to feel so full with such a thick cock that she came immediately even as Harry kept pounding into her with vigor.

“Oh yeah fuck me Harry,” Myrtle cried out as she braced herself against the wall as Harry was slamming his hips into hers. “Come inside my slutty cunt,” she demanded as she was already on the brink of another orgasm. “I want every drop.”

Harry gripped Myrtle’s hips as he plunged as deep as he could go inside her before letting loose with everything he had, his semen spilling out of her and onto the floor. He didn’t even stop there as seeing his cum drooling out of her hardened him again and he kept thrusting even as Myrtle and Harry devolved to only making animalistic grunts.

Things only progressed from there with Harry pillaging her asshole whenever he had a chance. Myrtle loved the feeling of Harry’s cock deep inside her rearranging her non-existent guts. Even after flying around the castle and interacting with things, nothing came close to the elation and ecstasy that was getting bulged out by her lover’s dick. No food she tried was as delicious as Harry’s cum, and nothing sent chills down her spine more than feeling Harry’s hot breath on her neck as he pinned her down to the dirty bathroom floor and fucked her for hours like a cheap whore.

* * *

For Harry, he was feeling incredible. He was pretty sure he was going to die in a few weeks in the last task but for now he was getting all the pleasure out of life that he could. He had all but stopped going to classes, deciding to not worry about grades that wouldn’t matter if whatever happened this year killed him. He couldn’t give a shit about the rumors, comments or insults anyone said about him, not when he could spend that time having incredible sex with Myrtle.

But other people in the castle were starting to get worried for him, as Harry had seemingly done a complete one-eighty in personality as he always seemed to have a bright smile on his face and quite a lot of energy every day. He’d be found mostly in the restricted section of the library claiming. “I found one spell in an old book that changed my life for the better, so now I’m trying to see if I can find a few more.” As he’d returned the necromancy book after copying down every single spell, potion or ritual inside it to practice and had moved onto, with an almost Hermione like mentality, practically devoured the knowledge that Hogwarts kept.

Harry was relaxing in the Great Hall making sure to get enough protein as part of the potions he’d been brewing had told him the best way to maximize the potential of them would be to have a very rich diet, and he was certain they were working because the first time he’d cum after being on the stamina potion, Harry had let out nearly a gallon as he painted Myrtle white with it all. After that he’d looked into more potions to increase his load and pleasure and found that nutrition potions would help increase almost every aspect of his sexual appetite and he noticed another benefit that he was getting bigger in every regard. He was taller, more muscular and his cock had even swollen more than usual. He was feeling incredible at the changes he was going through because they all would benefit him and Myrtle in their constant sexual encounters.

But he felt someone tap on his shoulder and looked over to see Hermione nervously looking him up and down. “Hey Hermione,” Harry smiled at his friend.

“Um Harry have you had a… growth spurt lately?” she asked curiously as Harry’s robes fit him even less properly than they had the week prior and she was sure that shirts weren’t supposed to be stretched across the chest as tightly as his was.

Harry looked down and could see what she meant by that. “Oh yeah, guess I’ll need a new uniform, buuuut....” Harry shrugged. “I’m probably going to die in a few days so why bother.”

Hermione gasped at Harry’s offhand comment about his own life. “Harry, you are not going to die,” Hermione shouted in horror at how casually Harry was talking about dying.

“Come on Hermione, after the last three years, I’ve got to have run out of luck by now, between Quirrell, the basilisk and the dementors, I’ve had more than my fair share of near-death experiences and there’s no way that something in that dumb maze they built doesn’t manage to get me. Probably those blast ended skrewts Hagrid had us raising all year. Those things are fucking viscious,” Harry shook his head as he figured with how dangerous this tournament was getting he’d meet his end soon enough.

“But Harry, we’ll think of something,” Hermione’s eyes filled with tears as she could understand Harry’s point but she didn’t like the idea of one of her best friends dying so soon.

“Not likely, with how things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if Mad-Eye did something to make the tournament more dangerous for me specifically.” Harry said loud enough for others to hear. “After all Quirrell was possessed, Lockhart was a moronic fraud and… okay Remus was great but he did forget his monthly potion and nearly bit my head off. So Mad-Eye Moody who is supposed to be this legendary auror seems just crazy enough to do something to the tournament.” Jabbing his thumb up at the head table.

Albus and the other professors turned to look at Mad-Eye curiously. “You know, I think we might need to have a little chat Alastor,” Albus said as he got the point Harry was making, once was an accident, twice a coincidence, three times being enemy action and he’d be a fool to just let a fourth bad defense professor mess with one of his student. While he was certain that if his friend had done anything, it was for some twisted logic of his, he should still find out what it was.

“Damn you Potter,” the fake Moody shouted as he knew that if the professors inspected him too closely his charade would fall apart as he drew his wand before a massive fist slammed into his head as he’d been sitting right next to Hagrid and had forgotten that the half-giant was very protective of the students and reaching for a weapon with the likely intent to harm would set him off.

Harry and the other students looked up at the head table in surprise. “Huh, guess I was right,” Harry smirked as he’d been talking out of his ass as he didn’t really see that much of a pattern with the defense professors because Remus was a decent guy and it had been Peter that was the problem last year.

“Well,” Harry clapped his hands as he stood up. “I have somewhere to be, so I bid you all a good night,” Harry said as he started to walk out of the Great Hall to track down Myrtle for some more sex. With a skip in his step and a tune to whistle Harry found his ghost girlfriend exactly where he had left her, strapped down to a table he’d transfigured as two dildo’s he’d charmed were moving in and out of her with a steady rhythm.

He could see that she had drenched the table with her ectoplasmic juices as she squirmed against the restraint. “Hello love,” Harry whispered into her ear as he pulled the ball gag out of her mouth and replace it with his cock as he proceeded to fuck her throat.

* * *

On the day of the last task, the professors were running around the castle trying to find Harry, as all the other champions were told they were to spend the rest of the day with their families and loved ones.

After Albus interrogated the man impersonating Alastor Moody, they had alerted the Aurors to the plan to capture Harry Potter to send him to a graveyard but everything after that had been obliviated from the man’s mind by a master of the mind arts so they had no idea who or for what purpose this would be done. So they were aware that the man who had supposedly died in Azkaban was working with some people to kill Harry Potter.

Now the professors were worried as they could not find him.

“Do you think he just didn’t show up because he doesn’t have family?” Filius questioned as he walked with Minerva down a hall. “Because the Weasleys are waiting in the tent for him.”

Minerva sighed as she didn’t have an answer for her colleague. “He might not have considered that his friends thought of him that way, or worse he might have thought that his relatives were here and I could understand why he would go into hiding,” as even after all these years she had not forgotten the Dursleys being the worst sort of muggle.

After searching all over the place the professors met up and found out that none of them could locate Mr. Potter. “I believe that we may need to employ the assistance of some of the students,” Albus said. “They tend to know where all the best hiding spots are in the castle.”

“Oh, we can use the map,” Ron suggested as the marauder’s map would show if Harry was anywhere in the castle.

“Ron, the fake Mad-Eye took it from him,” Hermione shot down the redhead’s idea. “Who knows where it got put.”

“Oh that,” Albus nodded his head. “Yes I confiscated that and recalled it as something James and Sirius used to get themselves in trouble, I figured it was Harry’s.” Pulling the map from his robes as he’d been meaning to give it back to Harry and just hadn’t had a chance to catch him. “Unfortunately whenever I try to use it, well, it has some choice words for myself.”

“Um,” Hermione bit her lip as she blushed while Ron snickered as they knew the map could insult those who didn’t use the correct password so to hear that it said some likely very imaginative words to the headmaster was quite amusing. “I can… if you just let me take that for a moment,” not wanting to tell the teachers the password as she took the map into another room and said the password. “Here you go professor,” Hermione handed the parchment back to Professor Dumbledore.

“Thank you very much Ms. Granger, we will go and find Mr. Potter now,” Albus smiled as he started scanning around the map looking for Harry’s dot. “Quite ingenious work they put into this,” he said as he was astounded that four hogwarts students had created something like this. “I dare said that I would have likely asked Harry if I could have this, but alas it is one of the few remaining things of his parents and I cannot see him parting with it.” As it was a shame that he’d not be able to make his own after studying it as he would not keep things that belonged to his parents from Harry.

“Hmm,” Minerva said as she looked over his shoulder to read the map. “It looks like he is in an old storage room on the third floor. That moving back and forth, could he be tied up, did we not prevent any attempts on his life this year?”

“It is we know that Barty Crouch Jr. was working alongside someone, and it is possible that his capture has forced them to act sooner,” Albus said as he and the other professors hurried through the castle in case Harry needed help.

* * *

Meanwhile Harry did not need help as he was balls deep inside Myrtle’s tight little butthole he had his arms wrapped tightly around the ghost, keeping her legs high up in the air as he fucked her. “I’m gonna…” He said as he slammed her ass down on his crotch, burying himself all the way to the hilt as he let out a satisfied groan as he came buckets inside her.

Panting as he slowly stepped away from the ghost who flopped onto the floor exhausted Harry finally noticed that he in fact had an audience. Standing their shirtless and sweaty with his cock dangling between his legs as Myrtle lay on the floor covered in his seed as she moaned in delight, Harry saw that all the Hogwarts professors were staring slack jawed at him in the doorway.

“I can explain.” He said as he realized how much trouble he must be in.


	3. You're Not My Dad and I'll Facefuck This Ghost if I Want Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seems that Harry and Myrtle have been caught, but what can reasonably be done about it. Who knows, I barely remember writing this.

After the initial shock of seeing Harry Potter naked as the day he was born and standing over one of the Hogwarts ghosts who seemed to have been fucked into a comatose state had worn off, Dumbledore cleared his throat. “I am going to shut this door Harry and when I open it again in a minute, I expect to see you wearing pants,” he said as the door slowly swung closed.

The teachers meanwhile didn’t know what to say about what they saw. Of course this was not the first time they had caught a student in a compromising position or gotten an eyeful of said student. But this would be the first time that the student was involved with a ghost that they could recall.

“I believe that would explain the students reporting the increased amounts of moaning heard from that particular bathroom,” Filius chuckled before he was swatted on the back of the head by Pomona.

“How was he able to....” Professor Sinestra coughed into her hand.

“Aurora I’m quite certain from all the times I found you and one of your suitors in broom closets, that you are intimately aware of the process,” Minerva smirked as the astronomy professor blushed furiously, pulling down the brim of her large hat to hide her face.

“I think she meant how was he capable of using a ghost in such a manner,” Severus sighed as he would have to obliviate himself of this memory after all was said and done.

“It is an interesting notion that Harry was able to… copulate with Ms. Warren given her noncorporeal state,” Albus stroked his beard as he opened the door once again to see that Harry was just finishing putting on his shoes. “Mr. Potter if you and Ms. Warren would kindly follow me to my office, I believe that we need to have a chat.”

The two teens, one living and one dead sheepishly followed the professor out of the room they had been fucking in for most of the morning. “I do not envy which house elves have to clean this up,” Bathsheda said as the overpowering smell of sex began to waft out of the room.

* * *

Harry and Myrtle were sitting in Dumbledore’s office while they were stared at by the professors. It was an awkward time when they had been caught and now they waited for the punishment.

“Well you said that you could explain Harry, so please do explain,” Albus opened the floor for Harry to tell his tale.

Harry rubbed his arm nervously. “Well you see professor, Myrtle’s my friend and she’s been a great help to me over the years and I just figured that I would help her back.”

“By screwing her senseless,” Pomona snorted out a laugh. “I’m sorry please go on,” she waved her hand motioning for Harry to continue as she really wanted to hear this story and all its erotic details.

“Well anyway, because I was put in this stupid tournament, I found out that I could go to the restricted section of the library and I had hoped there’d be something in there that would help me fight a bloody dragon,” Harry said with some noticeable irritation in his voice. “I didn’t of course and resorted to the summoning charm and hoping I didn’t die trying to outfly a… natural aerial apex predator… that breaths fire… on a wooden broomstick,” Harry trailed off as he considered how stupid that plan had been, after taking a moment to be amazed at how that hadn’t gotten himself killed he shook it off and continued his story. “But instead I found a book that had some spells that I remembered when I was having a pity party for myself.”

“Why would you-” Minerva started to ask before Harry shot out of his seat angrily cutting off her question with his answer.

“Why would I be down? I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with being put in a tournament I was in no way qualified to be in that is likely to kill me. Maybe it has to do with how every bloody year in this school something nearly kills me, so maybe I just had a feeling that this year my luck would run out and I wouldn’t have a time turner, or the sorting hat to give me Gryffindor’s sword or some weird protection my mother gave me that let me kill a man when I was eleven this time around for me to pull a win out of my ass and survive!” Harry shouted at his professors who at least had the decency to look ashamed at how obvious it would be that Harry was not doing well.

“So because Myrtle really came through for me in the second task, I remembered a spell that would turn a ghost into a different type of ghost and now she’s more solid.” Harry said as he took Myrtle’s hand in his own and gave it a squeeze.

“Well that explains how you are able to be in contact with Ms. Warren, but that does not answer why err..” Dumbledore pursed his lips as he tried to find a polite way to ask his next question.

“Why we found ye starkers rutting her like a-” Hagrid tried to continue for Dumbledore before he was elbowed in the gut by Severus who really didn’t want to hear whatever came out of Hagrid’s mouth next.

“Being able to touch and feel stuff is... incredible,” Myrtle said as she felt she should answer this one. “It was overwhelming when I could actually pick something up, I’m still so excited to be able to even lift up a cup, and I wanted to thank Harry for letting me do this after so many years. But, I also,” Myrtle blushed as she felt embarrassed for admitting this next part. “I wasn’t very popular when I was alive so I’d not really done anything and after seeing so many students over the years fooling around and enjoying you know… sex, I wanted to try that and have Harry be my first. Then I tasted his cum and-,” Myrtle started to say before Minerva intervened.

“That’s quite alright we don’t need to hear anymore.” Shaking her head as she couldn’t believe how quickly the ghost switched into a lustful state, but she also guessed that after having decades of pent up urges that when the moment that she could act on them, it made sense that things got as steamy as they did.

“I would like to examine the spell you used since I’ve not heard of such an incredible charm,” Filius asked as a professional the idea of altering the state of the dead with what seemed to be a powerful charm was intriguing and deserved attention.

Harry rubbed his arm as he told the professor what book he had used to do the ritual. “Well my curiosity is sated,” Filius said as he clapped his hands together.

Minerva sputtered in shock. “But he’s… with Moaning Myrtle,” Minerva protested how one of the professors could be so calm about this unusual situation.

Poppy hummed thoughtfully for a moment before making up her own mind. “Well, if I can do a check up on both of them, to ensure that nothing bad happened as a result of his spell, then I don’t really see an issue. It’s not as if we have to worry about teenage pregnancy in this case.... I hope,” she added on as she was pretty sure ghosts couldn’t get pregnant, but before today she wouldn’t have thought that ghosts could get buggered either.

“I feel as though this is gross and inappropriate and that we should put an end to their… dalliances,” Snape said as he didn’t like to think about James’ son having sex, and if he could stop it then he would.

“Well  _ I _ ,” Harry said firmly as he was fed up with listening to people discuss plans about his life as if he wasn’t in the room. “Don’t see an issue with what  _ we  _ are doing and since none of you are my parents, so unless one of you wants to confess to having fooled around with my mom or dad fifteen years ago and I swear to GOD Snape, if you open your mouth I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.” Harry declared as he reached over and took Myrtle’s hand as he pulled her out of the chair and started to lead her out of the room with him. “Then we are done here,” he said as he looked across the room at his professors practically daring them to make a comment and who stood there quietly watching him leave with the apparition.

* * *

Harry was pulling Myrtle along with him ignoring the strange looks he was getting from the other students at being seen with the ghostly girl that so many people made fun of. “Myrtle, I’m so sorry about all that,” Harry sighed as he finally found a mostly deserted corridor for him to talk to the ghost privately.

The specter was floating against the wall as Harry leaned against her. “It’s okay Harry,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him. “I figured that eventually we’d get found out and they’d try to put a stop to what we were doing. It was wrong anyway, I’m dead and you’re alive.”

“So what?” Harry muttered. “I can feel your touch all the same, I can hear your voice, I can love you Myrtle,” Harry expressed his feelings for the ghost that he’d fallen for.

“People won’t accept us together, it’s too different,” Myrtle turned away from Harry as she felt a new kind of pain forming in her chest as she imagined the outcry once their relationship was made public.

“Screw the other people Myrtle,” Harry shouted. “They do not dictate my life, not anymore. If they want to try and keep us apart then it will fail, I won’t allow it.”

“But I’m stuck here at Hogwarts, the Ministry forbade me from leaving after I crashed Olive’s brother’s wedding,” Myrtle tried to come up with an excuse to stop seeing Harry, to not have him to hold and feel every day, for his sake so that he could find another girl.

“I’ll get them to change the rule,” Harry promised. “Minister Fudge is a moron who’s broken so many laws that I can get him thrown into Azkaban with just a few words to the Daily Prophet, I can be like Lucius Malfoy and bribe the members of the Wizengamot to vote to allow you your freedom. I could be like Voldemort and wage a war just to keep you Myrtle,” Harry declared loudly, not caring who heard him.

“No!” Myrtle gasped in shock. “Not that, not like him,” she said in fear as she would never forget the man who killed her once Harry had told her what happened the night she died. She would never want Harry to become like that horrible person especially not for someone like her.

“Right,” Harry ran a hand through his hair. “But please, don’t let the fear hold you back.” He looked at the ghost hopefully as he bared his soul. “I love you Myrtle Warren and I know you love me too, don’t run from that love.” He waited to see what she would do or say and while he was certain of his own feelings, he wasn’t sure if Myrtle felt the same way.

“Harry!” Myrtle cried out as she latched on her lover. “I can’t do it, after all these years of being alone I could never turn away from the first person who loved me. I’m yours Harry, love me, because I love you,” she wept as Harry gave her a passionate kiss. Before wrapping his arms around her and carrying the ghost up to Gryffindor tower, the whispers and the people who whispered them were ignored. Harry had the love of his life in his hands and he was going to show her just how much she meant to him.


	4. If You Have a Problem With My Girlfriend, Say it to my Fist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry said the L Word and Myrtle accepted.
> 
> Now the castle has to deal with it because Harry will not put up with bullshit, be amazed as he stands up for himself and his girlfriend.

Harry slept peacefully in his bed as he cradled Myrtle’s ghostly body to his own. He was in bliss as he’d confessed to the girl he loved and she returned his feelings, that and the incredible sex they had afterwards made it all the better. It had tired him out certainly, but he couldn’t think of anywhere or anyone else he’d rather be with than Myrtle and had drifted off to sleep unaware of the myriad of conversations that were being had in the castle.

The other fourth year Gryffindor boys were standing in the doorway after coming back up to the dorm from watching the final task of the tournament only to be stopped dead in their tracks as they saw Myrtle laying on top of a very naked Harry Potter. “Bloody hell, the rumors were true,” Ron gulped as he’d heard from Fred who heard from George who heard from someone… Long story short the latest rumor was that Harry Potter was last seen carrying Moaning Myrtle up to Gryffindor Tower after professing his undying love for her.

He of course didn’t believe this because how would he have carried a ghost, that didn’t make sense. The idea that Harry finally snapped and tried to woo a ghost on the other hand was not too far out of the realm of possibility for Ron though.

“I uh, guess that explains where he’s been going all this time,” Dean chuckled nervously as he could very easily tell what the two had been up to based on all the evidence around the room.

“And why he didn’t bother coming to the last task of the tournament,” Neville said as he vanished a puddle of something that he’d stepped in, for his own sanity’s sake he was going to assume that Seamus had just spilled some very sticky milk on the floor.

“What do we do?” Seamus asked quietly.

“I say we do nothing,” Ron decided as he backed out of the room and down the stairs to the common room.

“Avoiding the problem doesn’t solve it… but is it really our problem to solve?” Dean said as he commented on this moral quandary.

“Nope,” Neville shook his head as he pulled Seamus along with him before pulling off his tie to hang on the door knob as a courtesy for Harry.

* * *

Harry ignored the stares from the other students as he and Myrtle came down from the dorms the next morning. “Something you want to say?” Harry asked Ron who was glaring at him on one of the chairs.

“Be more considerate next time Harry, we all had to sleep down here,” Ron grumbled as he couldn’t really care about who Harry was screwing at the moment, not with that pain in his neck from sleeping awkwardly in a chair all night.

“Oh,” Harry said as he took a moment to appreciate that Ron wasn’t getting on his case about him and Myrtle being together rather that he’d not gotten a good night's sleep.

“Yeah oh, you berk,” Seamus groaned. “And you better not have done anything on my bed, I don’t need that on my conscience,” the teen passed him by to go back up the stairs to climb into his own bed.

Harry rubbed the back of his head as he didn’t really have a heart to tell his classmate that they had done it everywhere in the room, he’d have been more considerate but when the only thing on your mind is blowing your next load down your girlfriend’s throat you tend to not care where it happens. From the looks he was getting he came to the conclusion that their intimate times were well known among the other lions. “So…” Harry trailed off as he could see a few people eyeing him funny. Before he noticed on the board a series of photographs.

“Fred and George used my camera for the pictures, they said it’d be great blackmail but Ginny kicked them in the groin and stole them and ran up to the girl’s dorm,” Colin said somewhat proud that he’d gotten such candid photographs of Harry Potter. “Parvati and Lav put up the pictures a little bit ago and then ran off somewhere else,” he continued as he didn’t see the look of horror on Harry’s face at how it was likely that now everyone in Gryffindor had seen the pictures since he’d gotten up so late.

Photos which were of him and Myrtle lying in bed together, with him not not wearing any clothes. That they were moving pictures and a certain noticeable part of his anatomy was twitching did not make him feel much better.

“It could be worse,” Myrtle said with a shrug. “They could have poured cold water on you first and then took the photos,” hoping that at least everyone getting to see him in all his glory would make it less hard… embarrassing to have his face be seen by the castle.

“I don’t think so Myrtle,” Harry said shyly as he tried to take the photos down but they wouldn’t come off of the board, no matter how hard he pulled. 

“Sorry Mr. Basilisk,” Katie Bell chuckled as she, like the other girls in the dorm, had their own personal copies of the pictures and these were just the ones to show off in the dorm. “That’s not coming down without the specific charm.”

“Oh really,” Harry said as he drew his wand and blew the posting board right the fuck up. “Hey look at that, it’s gone,” Harry smugly grinned as his features fell back into an annoyed look at the people standing around. Deciding he needed to get away before something else embarrassing happened, Harry hurried out of the portrait hole and down the grand staircase even as more and more people pointed at him and Myrtle.

He’d passed by a group of Beauxbaton’s girls who all squealed and giggled as they rapidly talked in French before blushing and running away once they caught sight of him. “I have a sneaking suspicion that Lav and Parvati have been spreading word around the castle about the photos.” As they passed by some more girls who didn’t take their eyes off of his crotch.

Myrtle nodded in agreement as she protectively grabbed onto Harry’s arm. Even though he’d confessed his love for her, she was worried that some of these other girls would still try and make a move on him and she wasn’t ready to share him yet.

* * *

As they made their way through the castle doing their best to ignore the laughs, giggles and come ons, they finally arrived at the Great Hall and Harry was starved as he’d pretty much used up all of his energy with the previous night’s activities. All conversations died down as he entered the hall with Myrtle floating behind him.

“Hey look the ghost fucker decided to show his face,” Draco Malfoy shouted across the hall as he and some of the other Slytherins laughed.

“At least someone wants to touch my dick without me having to pay for it, you spineless little bitch.” Harry shouted right back as he was not going to put up with Draco Malfoy’s shit today. “And sit your ass down Snape, no one wants to hear anything from you.” Harry immediately added on as he knew the moment he told of Draco that the dungeon bat would try to intervene. “Hey maybe you two should get together, you’re both unlikable pieces of garbage.”

“Harry,” Albus said loud enough over the oohing, shouts and laughter of the students as he couldn’t allow Harry to continue disparaging his staff.

“What?” Harry looked around acting as if he had no idea what the headmaster was addressing him for.

“That wasn’t very nice Harry,” Albus looked down his nose at the boy.

“So… Snape’s a bastard and Draco’s a whiny baby who always runs to his death eater father whenever he doesn’t get his way. It’s not wrong to call a spade a spade,” Harry sat down at the bench and started to pile food on his plate.

“That man,” pointing a fork at the head table as the students and teachers listened to him talk. “If you can call him that, decided on the FIRST day that I met him in class, that he hated me. And it took me meeting my godfather to learn why, because he and my dad were rivals in Hogwarts and my father did the most unthinkable thing to him. He married my mother and that man never got over it and even after they both died, he carried that grudge and decided to take it out on me,” Harry glared at Snape as he hadn’t gotten to spend a lot of time with Sirius but he was exchanging letters with him over the year to keep him up to speed since he’d been so worried once he learned that Harry was in that blasted death tournament.

Sirius hadn’t been proud to say that they took pranking too far with Snape to the point that it was bullying. He even admitted that probably pushed Snape more towards the Death Eaters than he would have been. But what Sirius stood firm on was that Snape had no right to turn his grudge against James onto Harry.

“So no Headmaster, I have no intentions of apologizing until that man,” keeping an eye on Snape as he fumed at the other end of the hall, seemingly barely restraining himself from spewing out a torrent of profanities or spells, he wasn’t sure which. “Decides to pull his head out of his ass and act like a grown up.”

“Because at least I don’t take out my frustrations about Lucius Malfoy unleashing a basilisk on the school with the help of Voldemort’s cursed diary from when he was a student by the name of Tom Riddle that ended up framing Hagrid for  _ his  _ murder of my girlfriend. And then when that failed because I, a twelve year old, summoned the long lost Sword of Gryffindor and killed Salazar Slytherin’s pet monster, he tried to use the killing curse on me. But you don’t see me holding that against Draco. I just don’t like the blonde ponce because he’s a bigoted idiot who acted like such a stuck up brat when I met him that I begged the sorting hat to send me ANYWHERE but Slytherin when it wanted to sort me in that house.”

Harry knew what Dumbledore was going to ask of him, to make nice with the two people in the castle he hated the most and he decided that it was more important to nip that in the bud, he hadn’t potentially dodged a bullet by just not showing up to the last task that likely would have killed him only to have to roll over like always just because some people got their feelings hurt. “That is the difference between us sir, I hate him for the things that he’s said and done to me. He hates me for the things a dead man did to him almost two decades ago,” stabbing into his breakfast as he started to eat as he knew that it would take some time for everyone to fully absorb what he’d said in his tirade.

Albus sighed heavily as he realized that airing the truth in public as he had done would make it impossible to remedy the situation privately. “Well Severus, is there anything you would like to say to Mr. Potter?” Albus asked, hoping that his professor would bury the hatchet first to allow from some sort of compromise.

“If you think I’m going to apologize to his son, you are even more senile than you look,” Severus grit his teeth as he seethed from Harry verbally smacking him around.

Albus hung his head. “I see,” he said sadly as this would likely not be resolved anytime soon. “Very well, you’re both in trouble then.”

It took a moment before everyone in the Great Hall reacted to the headmaster’s declaration.

“Harry, your use of foul language is unwarranted and as such for the remainder of the year you are to have detention every night. Just because as you say call a spade a spade, that does not allow you the freedom to use whatever words you wish without consequence.” Albus looked down at where Harry was sitting.

“Severus, you are suspended pending a review, a review that I will be doing personally into your teaching style and how you address your students using the school’s pensive,” Albus looked at his potions master who was gobsmacked at being chastised for his actions for the first time in a long while.

“And Mr. Malfoy, inform your father that he is forbidden from coming onto Hogwarts grounds, until such a time that he is questioned by the wizengamot under veritaserum for any involvement in the fiasco that took place in the school two years ago.” This was as much of an accusation of guilt that the Headmaster could give in this capacity and it was a direct challenge to Lucius as Albus knew that the man would never consent to such an interrogation without a way to weasel out of it. “After which you are to serve a detention for your language towards Mr. Potter.”

The students and teachers were silent as they’d never seen the Headmaster come down so hard in recent years, for some they believed this was a long time coming.

But for Harry the fact that everyone involved was getting punished, even if he felt he didn’t deserve it was something he could tolerate since it was not playing favorites towards any one person.

“When my father hears about this-” Draco stood up furiously from the Slytherin table.

“Yes Mr. Malfoy, as I just said, you are to inform your father,” Dumbledore interrupted the blonde boy before he could get going on whatever it was he was going to say. “So glad of you to have been paying attention.”

That had shut Draco up as Dumbledore’s normal grandfatherly person had fallen and in its place was the most powerful sorcerer in the world, a wizard over a century old with titles that commanded respect and accomplishments that begat fear from those who would oppose him.

“Now, does anyone else have any grievances they wish to air?” Albus looked around the room, his gaze daring anyone to speak up. After no one said anything, Albus turned back to his breakfast and jabbed his fork into the food.


End file.
